The Day Frodo Met Sue
by particularly good finder
Summary: When Blaine visited McKinley with Kurt, he never expected to run into anything worse than a couple of bullies; then Blaine met Sue Sylvester.


Kurt pulled Blaine by the hand, biting his lip. The dark-haired boy seemed completely unaffected by the hostile surroundings of McKinley High School, as if he hadn't heard or believed his friend's horror stories of slushies and dumpsters.

"Look, most of the football team has lunch during fourth, which is when the glee club likes to meet. We should hang out in the auditorium until the passing period is over, just to make sure we don't run into any…complications," Kurt said in a hushed, urgent tone. A kid in a letterman jacket rounded the corner, and Blaine found himself being shoved back behind a row of lockers, Kurt pressed up close to him. He liked having the lithe boy so near; he smelled like mint and was very, _very_ warm…

"Okay, close call, it was just Puck on his way to skip the end of third period. Come on, follow me, and _stay close_," Kurt ordered, voice low and serious.

Unfortunately, the bell rang just as they were crossing the hallway. Kurt paled, then pulled Blaine outside into the courtyard, head swiveling quickly.

"We'll blend in better out here. Plus, most of the football team goes out for lunch, so they'll be headed for the parking lot. We should be safe."

Blaine rubbed Kurt's arm, and eyebrow quirked. "Seriously, Kurt, I think you're going a little far with this. I mean, you're acting like we're in a spy movie or something. No one will attack you in such a crowded area."

"_Porcelain_!" Kurt paled as a tall woman in a tracksuit approached the two boys, a serious look on her face. "Back to do some good ol' reconnaissance, I see." She paused, looking off into the distance. "I always knew you were a special one. Good to see you back, even if it's only to bring down your old teammates."

Kurt sighed. "I'm not here to spy on New Directions, Coach. Blaine and I are visiting to invite them to sing with us at a charity event. And it's good to see you too, ma'am."

Sue seemed to just notice Blaine, and gave him a solemn appraisal. "You. Frodo. Come with me," she ordered, grabbing the boy's arm.

"Um, okay…" Blaine trailed off, looking to Kurt for help. Kurt shrugged, grimacing.

"Er, Coach, Blaine and I are kind of in a hurry and-"

"This won't take long."

Both boys shuddered at the tone of her voice, and Kurt wondered if he would ever see Blaine again. He ran after their retreating forms, forgetting all about the bullies he had originally been avoiding.

Sue Sylvester was more terrifying than all of them combined.

Ssss

"So, listen up, Frodo-"

"Excuse me, ma'am, but my name isn't Frodo, it's Blaine-"

Sue sat back in her chair. "It's either Frodo, Brillo-Pad, or Bushy-Brows; you decide."

Blaine decided he was fighting a losing battle, and grudgingly said, "Frodo's fine."

The older woman nodded. "Good. That was my favorite. So, judging by your William Schuester Wannabe hairdo and your sweater-vest-"

"It's school-issued!" Blaine cried, crossing his arms. "It's part of my uniform!"

Sue waved him off. "Judging by those things, I can safely assume you bat for the rainbow team. And considering the way you stare at Porcelain, I can _also_ safely assume that you're in love with him."

Blaine blushed, but said nothing. Sue used this as affirmation, and continued on. "So let me be blunt, Frodo: I've already had to watch Porcelain get hurt once. If you break his heart, I will _break every bone in your body and make it look like an accident_. And then, when you're in the ICU, pissing into a bedpan and eating moldy jell-o through a straw, I will come in the middle of the night and _destroy everything you love_."

The room went silent, and Blaine felt a cold sweat break out on his beck. The tall woman stood, placing her hands on her desk. "Do you understand me?"

Blaine nodded, swallowing hard. "Y-yes, sir- _ma'am_. I mean, of course, I would never, we're not even dating- Yes. Yes. I understand you. Perfectly."

Sue smirked. "Good. Now go skip down the hallway and vomit rainbows and whatever else you two plan on doing and get out of my sight. I've got a glee club to destroy." She looked at Blaine, eyes narrowing. "Or two."

Blaine ran from the room, not even noticing that Kurt was standing right outside in the hallway. The brunette walked into the office, eyebrow raised.

"Porcelain, what can I do for you?" Sue asked, sitting back at her desk. Kurt leaned against the doorframe, smiling.

"Thank you. I heard what you said, and I know that's as close as a declaration of affection anyone could ever expect from you, so…thank you. I'm glad someone here has my back."

The older woman nodded, her stony face hiding the grin that threatened to appear. "Always have, always will. Now go make sure Frodo hasn't run away yet. Those hobbits are just too easy to scare off."

**God, I have no idea what this is. All I know is that I sacrificed doing Calculus homework/sleeping to write it, so reviews would be much appreciated, thanks! (even if I'm still not sure what this is.)**


End file.
